Dane Cook? More Like Dane Sucks!

Dane Cook really sucks.

Dane Cook really really really sucks.

If there's something that sucks more than Dane Cook, I'm not sure what it is.

If you're not a female under the age of 23 or a relative of Dane Cook's, there really is no excuse for not realizing that Dane Cook sucks.

If Dane Cook sucked any more than he does now, he'd have to change his name to Dane Sucky Suck Shit Sucker.

Its hard to imagine that Dane Sucky Suck Shit Sucker would be a person who actually sucks more than Dane Cook.

Dane Cook is in better shape than me. He still manages to suck.

Watching Dane Cook perform his stand up comedy is a lot like finding out you have brain cancer. Nothing funny about it, and if you live through it, you'll probably be dumber.

This is all I have to say on this topic.

Love,
Seth

The Geese Strike Back

So, in my last blog post I talked about the abundance of Geese in my apt complex, the atmosphere of terror they create, etc etc etc.....

I concluded the blog stating that by exposing the danger of Geese, I should probably fear for my life. Well this morning I got in my car on the way to work, and what do I see on my passenger side window? A HUGE glob of Goose-poop.

A warning shot from these winged demons. The Goose population has made the biggest mistake of their lives by forcing me to swallow my fears and learn to confront them. If they want a war they got a war. I'm not stupid enough to broadcast my battle plans via cyberspace (lets face it, my blog readership is so vast and widespread that this would be the riskiest of maneuvers) BEFORE I carry them out, but I will broadcast this message:

Dear Geese,
You've had your time. Its bad enough you've rigged every national and local election for the past 100 years, created a standards and practices within our entertainment industry that has limited us to nothing but horrible horrible sitcoms and stupid movies since the early 60's(thats right, The World According To Jim is a Goose-created pile of dung in hopes they can dumb us down to ease their takeover), and now you want to own my blog? Well fuck you guys. I will not take this lying down. Give me liberty or give me death. One for all and all for one. When the going gets tough, the Geese will get their ACE kicked!!!!

Love, Seth

I'm sure you've all seen the movie 300 by now (sorry) and if the make-believe version of the Spartans can beat the Persians with only 300 soldiers in a completely imaginary battle, who's to say I can't carry out a war thats equally as boring and pointless? (you heard it here first, 300 is nothing but a cross between pointless action scenes from The Transporter 2 and a bunch of stupid spears and swords from Lord Of The Rings, the only difference is, The Transporter was actually entertaining)

Its a goose! RUN!!!!!

For starters, let me apologize for the lack of bloggery lately. For whatever reason I was uninspired to write. Motivation stems out of a variety of emotion, wheather it be love, hatred, confusion, the pressure of making the blog you started on a whim one day while bored at work look like it actually serves some sort of purpose and contains an actual readership (shout out to my girlfriend, my brother, kags, and uhhh....whoever else reads these...that might be it....but odds are my brother could school you in madden, my girl can sing better than you, and kags has the youtube searching game on lock, so all in all, this is not a shitty readership), but THIS blog was inspired by something that motivates every man at some point in his life, has caused societys to crumble, and many a pants to be pee pee stained. Yes my friends (jerks), THIS blog was inspired by none other than FEAR!

For a lot of macho manly men like myself, its hard to admit you're afraid of anything. While I'll admit I'm most of the time a fearless rock of solidarity, that even the biggest Dallas Cowboys fan could set their haricut to (i think this is some kind of off-kilter King Of The Hill reference that I've completely rearranged and mixed with Grandpa Simpson's comment about how Johnny Unitas had a haircut you could "set your watch to", but at least i'm ruining my reference by explaining it, at least i don't fear my own self defeatest attitude. kiss my ass!) , but there is one thing that burns me up inside night in and night out. One aspect of our planet that really puts the fear of hell (which incidently I recently found out, Hell is actually a movie theatre, where all of your favorite classics have been edited to include Justin Timberlake as the main character, main love interest, AND sole composer of the score...Timbaland be damned) in me. Yes, ladies (skanks) and gentlemen (dudes), what I'm talking about, are GEESE!!!!

During the winter, my apartment complex is a beacon of safety. The Indian children that tend to dart out in front of cars at every turn are all inside playing Yu-gi-oh. But once springtime starts to roll around again, the children are skateboarding into your interesections, and the geese have returned from Florida! My complex is inhabited by.....ooooh.....I'd say 23 million full grown Canadian Geese. They're downright nasty. Sometimes they'll congregate in front of your doorway by the hundreds, and just wait for you to attempt to come home. One false move in the and these winged demonic abominations will be hissing, flapping their wings around all noisey-like, and sometimes even speaking in tounges.

I havn't been able to figure out what they want, but for some reason, geese are not afraid of people (or cars evidently, and they get out of the road quickly too.....eat a dick PETA) AT ALL! I'm not sure if this stems from dumb children feeding the geese people-food, or its a result of some deeper theological conspiracy going on. If God created everything on Earth, then Geese are from Mars, because there's no way these are the work of anything Holy. Think about it. What did Nazi soldiers do instead of plain old wholesome marching?


GOOSE-STEPPING!!! -------->




Who hasn't had the fear of waking up, turning over, looking over for they're wife, only to find feathers and goose poo poo on her pillow? I'll tell ya who. NO ONE thats who. Now, I'm not a praying kinda guy (is yelling "OH JESUS" whenever someone tells you someone else is about to do something incredibly stupid considered praying?) but if you are, I URGE you and everyone you love to pray for the geese not to take over YOUR apartment complex, community, ghetto, or living space. May God help us all. Let me rephrase: May God START helping us all, because if he didn't when he let these fuckers touch down on the 3rd rock. They fear no man, and I'm pretty sure they're watching me type this. If i'm not killed by a gaggle (look it up if you don't know it, fuckhead) as soon as I publish this hurr blog, then I'll be back to blog some more. Suspensefull is it not?



:-(