Joe Buck = Aids

Congratulations to the New York Giants!!!! They looked downright incredible and destiny bound while winning the super bowl in what is easily the biggest upset in sports during my lifetime. This year was actually the first year I followed the NFL attentively (mainly due to a need to educate myself to sustain my 1st place fantasy football team, sorry Zack) and I found myself rooting for the Giants most of the season as I do not have a favorite football team. I would have become an official fan this season, if not for the rule I made up which states one cannot pick a team as their favorite team until 3 years after their last championship. Failure to abide by this rule makes you a bandwagon jumper-onner, and as a Yankee fan I hate those (the first year I secretly root for the Giants to win it all, they do so. Dear die-hard-lifetime NY Giants fans - YOU'RE WELCOME) . Gloating aside, there is one thing I hate more than bandwagon fans. These thing is Joe Buck.

The biggest play of the game, and arguably super bowl history, was the combination of Eli Manning escaping 50 sacks, and then throwing the ball literally hundreds of inches down the field, and into the hands and head of David Tyree (who I'd never heard of before this game). This play will be replayed for about 50 years, and will inevitably attain a nickname before the end of this month. Some are calling it "The Great Escape", I prefer to call it "Even God Hates Bill Bellicheck". I'm sure most of you were cheering so insanely when this play happened that it drowned out the TV, to the point where you didn't even get the "privilege" of hearing Joe Buck call the play with the excitement and enthusiasm of calling a routine ground out by Tike Redman.

Why do you do these things Joe buck? To quote Michael Scott, "I hate so much about what you choose to be". Its common knowledge that Joe Buck may be the worst human being ever invented. Buck is as evil as Joba is handsome. My outrage resulting from his call of this play motivated me to do a little research on Joe Buck. What I found out is the following.

-Joe Buck UnFun Facts-

• he does not allow his children to play with toys, only jagged rocks and shards of glass
• the pungent stench that emanates from his face can be seen as a giant cloud from space
• the cloud is shaped like a middle finger
• he was once seen by a tourist making out with Mel Gibson's father at Auschwitz
  
• he skins puppies to make himself slippers, he also throws these slippers out after only one use, sometimes less
• he enjoys italian food, video games, and making people unhappy
  
• he doesn't recycle, instead he finds the nearest poor family with the cutest children and dumps his trash on their laps
• Bobby Knight once met Joe Buck, after meeting him, he told a close friend "that guy is a very unpleasant asshole"
  
• he once showed up at an elementary school production of "Oklahoma" wearing a t shirt that said "Cell Phones don't cause cancer, I cause cancer"
• he hates the Yankees
• Troy Aikman stated that during the super bowl, Buck asked him several times if he could use one of his super bowl rings as a cockring for his meeting with Dick Chaney later that night
• he doesn't believe Roger Clemens is innocent
  
• he doesn't wipe his butt
• he's the real murderer from the OJ case
• has supplied nuclear weapons to Syria, Iran and Microsoft
• he's a morning person
• Favorite movie - "Almost Heros"
• he personally claims responsibility for World War 1
• he doesn't think I'm all that great

There you have it.

this is a joke, don't sue me for libel, thanks